anticipating the monday blues

HAPPY MID-AUTUMN FESTIVAL!!!

Played 1st keys for service today - 1st time in... 3 months...?!?! was playing the bass the previous months, and that was to fill in for the missing bassist, even tho i was originally rostered to play 1st keys... oh well... anyway, the band today... a lot of young musicians... so i was praying very hard that nothing drastic will happen during service. Thank God no major screw-ups happen... there were some miscues, but thankfully that was easily covered up. accompanied Terence Leong the trumpeter on pre/postlude. was refreshing playing with him again after a LONG time, but had the bombshell from him at 9.15am - i was to accompany him on the post - The Gift Of Love - according to what i've transcribed for Hymn Service 3 weeks back... *diaoz* and i didn't practise!!! sent me in a panic initially. nearly wanted out and almost told terence to get his bro to accompany him instead. but was thinking, oh what the heck, just whack la! turned out quite ok, tho we seemed to have no "chemistry"... couldn't read what each other was doing... :( heard some not-so-positive feedback from one of the RLs, about me playing wrong chords half the time. but he/she denied it when I went to "confront" him/her, saying that he/she did not say anything of such nature. (shall not reveal his/her identity here...) am i that bad...? have i gone all that rusty after not having played keys for 3 months...?

have also realised that i don't make a good RL... feel that i'm not equipped enough to lead a band. can't tell what instrumentation sounds nice, what's the right feel to play in, etc. etc. etc. just feel that i'm not a good musician myself, so i should be in no position to lead a band... chords i can do, yes, but the musical side... i dunno la... maybe it's just my insecurities...

lunch today was at goodwood park hotel - minjiang restaurant. had dim sum a la carte. gave xian yi a farewell lunch treat (he's leaving for california on tues... :( ) food was good, but way too overpriced, i felt... almost everyone bought the buy-1-get-2-free boxes of mooncakes. i didn't bother - i know no one at home will eat it anyway. and oh! this is the 1st time i parallel-parked...! :) with help, of cos... (from michael - thanks, man! :) ).

am feeling d*** depressed, cuz tmr's monday - start of a LONG week, not looking forward to it. west zone colours award on fri evening, and my school is doing reception and ushering, which means we have to stay throughout the ceremony...! [but consolation is that it's held in MG, and ACJC college choir's singing for the ceremony...! :) so that should alleviate the pain...] anyway, think the monday blues is getting to me, i'm starting to bark at people and throw tantrums for no apparent reason. my dad was one of the victims. started when he saw my credit card charge slip for my bday treat to shaun. then he went on and on about how stupid a girl i am, dah dah dah.. pls la! i'm old enough to know what i'm doing! really need someone who can understand me, someone who can tame me down, someone who will bring me up and not down...

ok... realised that i've typed in more things than i've intended to type... it's really unlike me to pour out my feelings like that on a blog... anyway, if you're reading this, pls just read it and forget about it. i'm just in a s****y mood now... it'll pass...