Something from The New Paper. Thanks to HB for the lead.

~~~~~~~~~~
(How not to) meet the parents

Heard on a school's voice-mail:
"Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your child's school. Please listen to all options before making a selection:

To lie about why your child is absent, press 1.

To make excuses for why your child did not do his work, press 2.

To complain about what we do, press 3.

To scold staff members, press 4.

To ask why you didn't get needed information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several bulletins mailed to you, press 5.

If you want us to raise your child, press 6.

If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone, press 7.

To request another teacher for the third time this year, press 8.

To complain about bus transportation, press 9.

To complain about school lunches, press 0.

If you realise this is the real world and your child must be accountable for his/her own behaviour, homework, and that it's not the teacher's fault concerning your child's lack of effort... hang up and have a nice day!"

-spotted by Tracy Foo

~~~~~~~~~~